My Hurt Feelings

Welcome to the Carnival of Tandem Nursing

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Tandem Nursing hosted by Mommying My Way. Our participants have shared their personal stories of the highs the lows and information on what to expect if tandeming is in your future. Please read to the end of each post to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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My first real memory of breastfeeding was when I was watching my mother breastfeed my brother and I asked her what it tasted like.  She breastfed me until I was a year and my brother was born when I was 2 years and 9 months – so I had forgotten what it tasted like or that I had actually nursed myself.  My mom asked if I wanted to try and I said yes and I did.  My reaction was that it was yucky.  Milk for me was cold, creamy and from a cow – breastmilk is warm and sweet.  I never asked to try breast milk again.

Fast forward twenty seven years later and I have two sons.  When I had my first son – I knew I would breastfeed but I didn’t have a goal in mind.  I had not yet discovered the world of breastfeeding and the concepts of weaning or full-term nursing.  So once I finally got breastfeeding figured out – I decided I wanted to take breastfeeding as far as I could.  I wanted to have every experience that a breastfeeding mother could from nursing a baby, to a toddler and when I was blessed with a second pregnancy – to tandem nurse them.  I continued to nurse my son through my pregnancy and had a pretty easy time.  I did get tired and sometimes wished he would just fall asleep instead of nursing to sleep – but it wasn’t as bad as some of the experiences my friends had.  Despite my experience, perseverance and plans – my son weaned.

I had talked about his weaning and was told that since he weaned close to the arrival of my second son he might take a renewed interest in nursing.  I didn’t let on that I really hoped he would return to nursing – who actually wants to nurse a toddler?  ME!  So I waited and hoped that he would ask and that he would return to nursing.  Why?  Because breastmilk is magic!  It heals hurt feelings, calms temper tantrums, puts cranky boys to sleep and slows the world down just enough.

As close to a tandem experience as we will get

He watched me nurse his brother with interest.  He did this for a few days and then the moment I had been hoping for happened – he asked.  I had worried that his latch would be off or that he wouldn’t remember how to nurse – it never even crossed my mind he wouldn’t like it.  There I was watching my boy take a little sip and then telling me yuck, giggling and running off.  My heart sank a little.  A few days later he asked again – same reaction.  He asked on another occasion as well.  Now my heart was breaking.  My sweet boy did not like the milk that had nourished and comforted him.

It felt like he was rejecting me as well.  My therapist told me that I should probably stop repeating this scenario and talk to him outside of him asking and let him know that he was done since it was hurting me emotionally every time this happened.  I sat down with him and let him know that he was done with nursing.  He asked me why and I explained that because he doesn’t like it and says ‘yuck’ and that hurts my feelings.  He asked again after that and twice I told him no.

The third time he asked – I let him.  He said yuck but asked for the other side.  discount viagra I held him across my lap like I had when he was a baby and he nursed.  He took a longer drink this time and allowed me time to look at him like I had when we first nursed and then he was done.  He didn’t say yuck but he didn’t want to continue and neither did I.  I never had the experience of tandem nursing my boys but I did get one more chance to see my son like I had when we nursed and that is an image I will hold in my heart.

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  • My Tandem Nursing Journey: Jenny at I’m a full-time mummy is sharing her tandem nursing journey so far…
  • Built for Two: No matter how much you read and plan, things may not always go as you expect. A few things that Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy wished she knew when she was planning to tandem feed her toddler and newborn.
  • Tandem Nursing – Magic Cure?: Jorje of Momma Jorje had high expectations of tandem nursing easing her toddler daughter’s transition from being the baby to being a big sister.
  • Mutually Desirable – Navigating a Tandem Nursing Experience: Amy Willa at www.amywilla.com talks about limit setting and meditations that help her navigate an intense tandem nursing experience.
  • My Adventure in Tandem Nursing: Alicia at Lactation Narration tells her story of nursing her daughter through pregnancy and then tandem nursing.
  • 4 months in: the good/hard: Becca at Exile Fertility writes about the joys and struggles of having two nurslings 17 months apart.
  • Tandem Nursing: One at a Time: When tandem nursing resulted in a nursing aversion, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children looked for ways to meet everyone’s needs.
  • Why Nurse a 4 Year Old?: One of the questions Dionna at Code Name: Mama keeps getting is, “but why breastfeed a four year old? What are the benefits?” Today she answers that question.
  • My Hurt Feelings: Shannon at The Artful Mama shares how her first son reacted to nursing after the birth of his brother and the gift she received the last time he nursed.
  • Carnival of Tandem Nursing: A Letter To Myself 7 Years Ago: Dulce de leche shares the advice and reassurance that she would have given to herself if she could go back in time.
  • Nursing Both My Babies: Cassie at There’s a Pickle in my Lifeshares her experience with nursing and transitioning into tandem nursing. She also gives tips for struggles.
  • Our Tandem Nursing Journey: Kim at Life-is-Learning describes her journey into tandem nursing and why it is important to her.
  • Based on her own experience, Lauren at Hobo Mama dishes about the benefits and downsides to nursing multiple children.
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6 Responses to My Hurt Feelings

  1. Cassie says:

    Aw. I almost cried reading this. I’m glad he finally nursed again and you could make the decision together, that’s important. Thanks for the heartfelt story.

  2. Oh this is such a beautiful beautiful experience! So glad that you get to experience tandem nursing, I pray that my boy’s weaning (when we get to it) will be a memorable experience.

  3. Janine says:

    I think it means more that he kept asking than that he didn’t like the taste of the milk itself. It sounds like you still have a great way to cuddle and unwind. It’s great that you could talk to him about your feelings and that you still have such a good relationship. I hope that I can maintain the connection as well when my son weans.

  4. Cathy says:

    This is such a beautiful story. The last paragraph made me break down in tears. I am currently nursing my 1st born 3 month old son and you just taught me the importance of savoring these feedings since they pass by so quick. Thank you!

  5. Amy W. says:

    Oh, Shannon, that last paragraph is a precious memory – Thank you for writing this! A friend of mine just talked about very similar feelings on her first weaning during her 2nd pregnancy and then not liking the taste when he asked to try nursing alongside his sister. Seems like a lot of moms have this same experience. Lovely post – thank you!

  6. Pingback: Mutually Desirable: Navigating a Tandem Nursing Experience

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