How to Gently Trim Your Toddler’s Nails

Welcome to the April 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids and Personal Care

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles relating to their children’s personal care choices.

Pretty scary from up close

Little Man hates having his nails clipped and hair cut. The nail clipping has been a source of anxiety from the time he was born and it has become worse for him and me as he has gotten older. I trimmed his nails regularly because he is a twiddler during breastfeeding and it was uncomfortable for me when he had nails. We have never once cut them too close to the quick or damaged his skin but he fears the nail clippers. At his two year appointment I asked his doctor about his dislike of nail clipping and she immediately suggested he needed to see a child psychologist. I felt this was over-reacting a bit on her part and exactly how much was he going to communicate to a stranger that he was not already communicating to me so instead I asked my friends for advice and suggestions.

We chose our nail clippers for their safety features like the wide handle, thumb grip and magnifying lens.

The suggestions they gave me were wonderful and supportive and we tried every single one of them. The first suggestion was to change the vocabulary we used when referring to the activity – instead of nail cutting try trimming. There is an association with cutting that it hurts – which is what he would say when we would trim his nails or our own. Even if we insisted that it did not hurt – he did not believe us because we said the word “cut”. It is very helpful to be mindful of the vocabulary you use with young children. In the English language many words have more then one meaning but young children often have difficulty distinguishing these meanings from one another.

The next suggestion was to trim our nails in front of him. We were already doing this and he was getting upset when we did this. We felt that the benefits of this outweighed his anxiety because he was not being physically harmed by this and we as adults could use language to describe the process and assure him we were not being hurt by this. We also decided to stop trimming one of our dogs nails in front of him because she has very strong reactions to nail trims and he was probably picking up on her anxiety over this. Children are very perceptive to unspoken reactions, feelings and fears so it is important to recognize these in yourself and others and do what you can to limit the exposure to the negative stimulus.

Two other suggestions were to allow him to handle the nail clippers outside of the nail trimming events so that he could familiarize himself with them to become comfortable with them and to allow him to “help” cut his nails. We left the nail trimmers on the table whenever we were with him and allowed him to pick them up and explore them whenever he was comfortable. We would only talk about the item if he showed an interest in it and would not force the interaction on him. For the second suggestion we purchased a second set of clippers and allowed him to “trim” our nails and his own. He does not actually cut our nails but the act of putting the clippers to his nails and ours can help disassociate the hurting.

Trimming nails during a nap on the couch

All of the above suggestions are not immediate fixes though. They are techniques that will take time and need to be practiced regularly. So back to my original need to trim his nails quite often – the twiddling. He weaned himself at 20 months but continues to twiddle and smooth my skin when he is stressed, bored, or tired – so mama needs short nails so I’m not getting the hebee-jebees when he does this. So my quick fix resolution has been to trim his nails in his sleep.

Blissfully unaware of the nail trimming session

He is a pretty heavy sleeper in that if he falls asleep I can put him in a sling and carry him up and then transfer him to his bed to continue his nap. If he falls asleep with me on the couch before bed – I can carry him into his room, change his diaper and redress him in pajamas and make the bed transfer without waking him as well. So I decided that this time would also be good to trim his nails so that my confidence would be rebuilt and he would not experience the stress that he was during nail trimming.

So now that you have seen how we are working with Little Man to become more comfortable with nail trimming and how in the meantime I manage to keep his anxieties and my needs balanced – how do you trim your child’s nails? Do you have any suggestions for us that we haven’t tried already?

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon April 10 with all the carnival links.)

• Rub-a-Dub Co-Bathing in Our Tub — Bath time is more than soap and water! That Mama Gretchen shares how co-bathing with her toddler has opened up a world of cleanliness, learning, and bonding.
• This is How We Take a Bath — Shannon at GrowingSlower shares her special formulas for babywash and a happy bath time.
• How to Gently Trim Your Toddler’s Nails — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses some of the gentle suggestions she has received to help Little Man overcome his anxiety of having his nails trimmed, as well as how she copes with her need for his nails to be trimmed.
• Baby bath time and skin care — Ursula Ciller shares some simple and natural tips for bathing and skin care.
• Want Your Child To Love Getting Clean? Have Them Make Their Own Soaps, Shampoos, and Lotions! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her secret to empowering her daughter to “get clean.” Together, Jennifer and her daughter make their own body washes and lotions which makes clean up time fun!
• Encouraging Self-care Through Awareness… and Fun — Amy at Presence Parenting shares some tips on how to transform self-care from a struggle into an opportunity — for kids and adults.
• Caring for kids’ curls — Lauren at Hobo Mama tells you how to clean, condition, comb, and style ringlets and waves on little heads.
• Playing in the Rain — Jorje of Momma Jorje loves how her family has come to make a family event of showering!
• The Cleansing Power of the Football — Rachel at Lautaret Bohemiet talks about her son’s favorite bath buddy.
• Coconut Oil: Nature’s “Baby Magic” — Megan at The Boho Mama has only one must-have baby care item in her cupboard: Coconut Oil!
• For Sensitive Kids, Less Is More — Kadiera at Our Little Acorn finds less cleaning is better.
• Bathtime: Just Another Chance to Play! — Lyndsay at Our Feminist {Play} School discusses the many reasons bath time is important – getting clean isn’t one of them.
• Hygiene? What hygiene? — Sheila at A Gift Universe confesses some of her most embarrassing hygiene secrets.
• Confused About Chemicals? — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep describes how to find out where the toxic chemicals are in your house and tips on alternatives.
• Clipping Those Talons — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes the ways her daughter’s tolerance for personal care has changed over time, especially when it comes to nail clipping.
• Sit Back, Relax and Unschool Hygiene — Instead of focusing on tactics of how to ‘get’ your child to focus on hygiene, Authentic Parenting explains how to help your child internalize hygienic standards.
• Help! My Tot will not let me brush her teeth! — Mudpiemama shares five positive ways to help toddlers brush teeth and sabotage the tooth fairy’s secret conspiracy.
• Self Care and the Spirited Child — Amy at Toddler In Tow shares how a balancing act between independence and connectedness helps her spirited child learn appropriate self-care.
• Hairbrushing is a Safety Issue — Dulce de leche guest posting at Natural Parents Network explains that although tangles are not a safety issue, self-confidence and body boundaries are.
• 15 Ideas to Prepare Toddlers and Preschoolers for Dental Procedures — Dionna at Code Name: Mama is sharing ideas on how to thoughtfully prepare little ones for dental visits (particularly those that require anesthesia).

• Holistic Care of your Toddler’s Teeth — Erica at ChildOrganics tells a tale of her children’s teeth issues and how she uses homeopathy and good nutrition to keep cavities at bay.
• Bath Time Bliss : Fuss-Free Bath Time for Toddlers — Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares how she has made bath time completely fuss free for both her and her toddler.
• Homemade Natural Toothpaste — City Kids Homeschooling hosts a guest post on a homemade natural toothpaste recipe that kids will love!
• Bathing Strike Strategies — Crunchy Con Mommy offers her best tips for keeping your little ones clean when they refuse to bathe.
• Bodily Autonomy and Personal Hygeine — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses the importance of supporting a child’s bodily autonomy in the prevention of abuse.
• A Tub Full of Kiddos! — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment has kiddos who love the water, so bathtime is a favorite evening activity!
• The Trials of Tidying My Toddler — Adrienne at Mommying My Way shares the difficulties she has with getting her on-the-go son to be still enough to get clean.
• Wiped Clean — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen shares her recipe for homemade diaper wipe solution to clean those sweet little cloth diapered bottoms in her home!
• Snug in a Towel: Embracing Personal Grooming — Personal care is time consuming,especially with more than one child; but the mama at Our Muddy Boots is learning to embrace this fleeting and needful time.
• EC: All or Nothing? — Elimination Communication. Even the title sounds complicated and time consuming. It doesn’t have to, if you adapt it to meet your family’s needs, says Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy.
• Routine Battles — In a guest post at Anktangle, Jorje of Momma Jorje outlines a simple incentive to help inspire your little one to follow a routine.
• Redefining Beauty For My Daughter — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger relays her struggle to define her own femininity and how her preschooler unexpectedly taught her a lesson in true beauty.
• Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Three Girls In The Tub — Chrystal at Happy Mothering shares how she turns bath time into a few minutes of peace and quiet.
• Montessori-Inspired Activities for Care of Self — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has a roundup of Montessori-inspired activities for care of self and ideas for home environments that encourage independence.
• 10 Gentle Tips for Little Ones Who Hate the Bath — Kim at life-is-learning gives 10 tips to get your little one into the bath and maybe even enjoying it.
• The Boy With The Long Hair — Liam at In The Now discusses his son’s grooming choices.
• Personal Care in a Montessori Home — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares a summary of the ways she has organized her family’s home to make for easy, Montessori-inspired toddler personal care.
• Styling Kids — Kellie at Our Mindful Life is letting her kids decide what to look like.
• Clean Kids: Laundry and Bath Tips — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia shares tips on how to get your children helping with laundry plus recipes for laundry and liquid soap.
• How to Clean Your Children Naturally: A Tutorial — Erika at Cinco de Mommy shows you how to clean your children.
• Cleaniliness is next to… dirt — The lapse-prone eco-mom (Kenna at Million Tiny Things) sometimes forgets to bathe the kids. Except in the mud pit.